Battle scars.

This past weekend was another challenging time for me. Friday evening my arms were in so much pain, I could barely stand it. I even try to tell myself, "Hey! I had three kids naturally, I can handle this!" But, sometimes it is very difficult to mentally overcome. On Saturday Greg took the oldest kids to enjoy their first days of playing soccer and flag football. This was another emotional challenge for me because I couldn't really go, especially since sitting in the heat would make me feel so much worse. There are many times I think to myself, "I just want to be a normal mom, a FUN mom!" It was even more challenging when I tucked the kids in bed that night. They were both so excited about their day, but they also both stated that they wished that I was there to see them.
Sunday I woke up really wanting to "feel normal," and was determined to make it to church. I slept awful the night before as the tingling sensations have become very painful. It feels like very sharp needle like and knife-like sensations. I knew I was tired, but I really wanted to make it to church. We did, but before worship was over, my arms were again in so much pain and my right arm was shaking uncontrollably, I couldn't help but start crying. I turned into a big baby :-) WE left quickly and Greg thought that it was way too hot and stuffy in service. Shortly after I cooled off the shaking went away and the pain in my arms became bearable. Whatever this is is so strange! I am not used to the shaking and find it very uncomfortable. I got in some good rest time yesterday and today I am feeling much better. I still have the dizziness and slight pain/tingling in my arms and hands. Greg read me a passage from Revelation about the new Heaven/ new earth this morning, and it was such a great reminder! I know that all of this happens for a reason, and I feel like the Lord is slowly molding my heart in a new way. He has also given me quite a few pieces of scripture along the way. As I meditated on the passage from Revelation the Lord brought an phrase to me. "Battle scars." It is also a reminder from a song by Kathryn Scott, "We still believe." I have had numerous people tell me that somehow I brought this upon myself. Yes, I have chosen to have a lot of kids close together, I have also chosen to take leadership in some very stressful situations, but I know, without a doubt that I was called to do these things. If I had the choice again, I would sign up for it all over again. This life is a constant battle, and I believe that we were meant to see battle scars along the way.

It's all a part of living in a sinful, imperfect and dying world. It's all of part of being completely sinful and learning to trust in Him who is able. I would much rather live a full life, fighting, giving, pouring out myself for the sake of making an eternal impact, than I would to focus on myself and make sure that all is well with ME.
As Greg read about the new heaven and new earth and what it would be like having God dwell with man, I knew that the day would come when we would have no scars, no tears, no pain. But that day is not now. It is not meant for today. We were not meant to be perfect in this world. We were meant to have limits, scars, bruises, imperfections.



"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. " James 1:2-3

Imperfections, by definition in the world, are those very things that mark us, make us weak, less attractive, defeated. However, it is those very same imperfections in our lives that He uses to lead us to perfection and make us more like Him.

It is also by these imperfections that we make the world in awe of Him, and not in awe of our human nature and strength.




What seems impossible, becomes possible,
when one discovers the power and only Source of true joy.

The complicated process of taking a person's very own weaknesses to make him/her more like Christ can only be explained by the joy that one learns during various trials in life, and ultimately by the phenomenon of the Spirit Himself indwelling His scared, bruised and broken people.

When He fills us, there is no longer the need to focus on what is broken.Our only focus becomes Him. He becomes our strength. He IS. He dwells within us by the power of the Spirit.

When I am only known for my strengths, abilities or by the things that seem "perfected" in my life,

I cannot make Him known to the world.

I am learning to humbly come before Him and praise Him for my weaknesses, so that His power may rest on me.

May He be praised.