Just some thoughts from little old me!

SO I have been getting a lot of people asking me a lot of questions lately. Questions about parenting. Questions relating to how I manage to "get everything done in a day." Somehow it seems that when you join the "I have five kiddos group" You also join the, "what!?! Are you crazy, what are you thinking?!?" group.
Not that I know much of anything about parenting and keeping a household organized (just talk to Greg about that one!), but there are some things that I have learned over the past 8 1/2 years of marriage and motherhood. This is not to say I am anywhere near perfect. In fact, sometimes I have to remind myself DAILY of certain basics, and there are plenty of days that I find the simplest tasks to be very difficult (like managing to make sure that everyone is dressed and ready for the day!)
Recently I found a list I made a year or so ago in a journal. Just something that I typed out. I often write to help myself out...a pep talk of sorts :) I type it out again today to remind myself of these basic ideas. So here it goes:

1. Be content and live in Gratitude with where the Lord has placed you. There are plenty of days that I want to scream out at the top of my lungs: "I can't handle this any more!" I don't know how many times moms who have chosen to work outside of the home (or are thinking about it) come to me and say: "You just don't understand. If I stayed at home, I would go crazy. I can't handle it." Or, "One child is enough for me! I don't see how you do it with 3, or 4, or 5 ;)" Let me be very clear: I do understand. I face those feelings more often than not. It is a daily sacrifice of self. But, the one thing that I feel that the Lord has taught me over and over again is this: it is all about the attitude of the heart. One can train the mind and the heart to be GRATEFUL in all circumstances. Cry out to Him and pray to Him moment by moment, day after day, and He will MEET you where you are. It's never about "how good I am," but who He is in me!He does not neglect His children and I am living proof that His grace is MORE than enough for each passing moment. But, many times in motherhood, circumstances change every second of every day. One minute everyone is happy and the next someone is complaining, arguing, or throwing a temper tantrum. Take it one moment at a time and always, always strive to be thankful in all things. Most of my time I spend praying is literally calling out for Him to carry me with His grace. It is those days, weeks, or months that I lose my focus on Him and where He has placed me that I also "lose my mind and feel like I could got crazy."

2. Keep it simple and let things go.
I am quite the protector of my calendar and often find myself saying "No." It is easy this day in age to get overwhelmed by just keeping up with society and staying as busy as one can be. Honestly, it is in those times when I find myself so busy that I also find myself losing enough time to focus on discipline, which in turn starts a complete cycle of "Frustrated mommy, frustrated children. Frustrated Family." I also keep menus simple and try to have the routine of fixing dinner at lunch time when everyone else is sitting at the table enjoying their lunch. I think any mom knows that between 4-5:00 is when everyone has their afternoon meltdowns, which of course is when dinner preparations need to be made! I try to keep things simple by getting most of the dinner preparations done when I am already in the kitchen for lunch and already need to do dishes from breakfast and lunch. Another way I have learned simplicity is in the area of laundry with 5 kiddos. My motto: Less is better. The fewer the clothes every one has is better. :)
I used to think that it would be better to only have to do laundry once a week, but that is far from true with a big family! If that were the case, that would mean BIGGER piles of clothes at the end of the week and MORE clothes to FOLD. YUCK! I literally have about 2-3 pairs of pants or skirts for everyone for every season and only a few more shirts than that. On top of that every kid has 1-2 "nice" dresses or shirts for special occasions.This makes the task of laundry very do-able and the piles less overwhelming. I also pretty much do a cycle everyday. Oh yeah and we keep PLENTY of undies and socks around.
Socks, shoes, and jackets, hats, etc. all stay organized in our entry way, so that every one runs to get there outer gear on in the same place. That way, any little hands that need help are in one place and I am not getting requests for help all around the house when we are trying to head out the door! Plus, it is a great place to set a routine for everyone to put all of it away when we walk back in the door.

3. Be consistent.
The hardest side of Love to carry out is discipline. For me any ways. Probably every parenting book out there mentions consistency but I have now lived to see how important it is. I think a key here too is that constancy also means staying on the same page as your spouse. It is so easy for children to receive mixed signals from parents. As a wife I have also learned to ALWAYS follow and respect your husband in front of your children. Even when you think you disagree with how he is handling something. For example, there are plenty of times when my children get fussy when they are a) very tired or b) very sleepy. I like to solve the fussiness with the actual solution by a) feeding them or b) putting them to bed.
Greg sometimes sees it differently. He has no tolerance for fussiness and will discipline our children when he is around and they are fussy. So, even if I was going to feed them or put them to bed, I respect his decision and do not try to argue with him in front of the kids about what should be done in the situation. Even little toddlers can get confused from this type of communication. I say that because I have lived it. I have learned all of these lessons out of real-life experiences. I have also learned over time that in training children, they need to learn both sides of this issue: They do need to be taken care of, but they also need to learn not to be fussy during these times in learning how to control their emotions.

4. Always be willing to say "I am sorry" when you have messed up as a parent. I have asked for forgiveness numerous times as a mommy- more than I can count! I think this helps children know and see that everyone makes mistakes and it also teaches them how to go to others and ask for forgiveness. Almost every time I have looked one of my children in the eye to say "I am sorry," their face lights up. I think by saying these words...to anyone for that matter, not just to children...is one of the greatest ways to say "I love you."

5. Put little hands to Work!
Recently someone came to me and specifically said they were amazed that I didn't use some kind of nanny service. Please do not think that I am trying to say that using this kind of service is wrong. I just want to share what I see working great for our family. As soon as they told me that, I immediately thought of how much that we all would be missing from being a part of the family unit. On any given day in a household there are at least a thousand things that need to be done. I think any child LOVES the idea of being a part of something. Especially a part of a family. Work is a huge part of it! And, over time, I have seen how much kids love to help. All of my kids pitch in. They help put the dishes away, they sweep the kitchen, they help fold clothes and put them away (who cares what they look like!), they help gather dirty clothes, they help bring in groceries, put groceries away, they clean windows, clean counter tops, clean veggies for dinner, help with food preparations, etc. The list could go on. Even my 2 year old helps and she wouldn't have it any other way. I think it is rewarding for a child to feel as if they are a part of "a team." Over time I have seen more and more how each one of them learn more to take the initiative to get things done. For example, there are many times when the dryer stops that I have little hands opening the door and unloading clothes in a basket, taking them to the couch and folding them without ever even asking them to.

6. Tell them once.
Whatever you are trying to instruct your child in, give clear instructions, looking them in the eye, and even bending down to their level. Make sure they understand by having them repeat it the best that they can. This means for little ones that instruction should be very short and simple. For example, for my two year old who isn't talking much, the instructions may be something like, "Obey Mommy." or "Say Please." Something she can repeat. Then I would say to her, "if you don't say please you will go to your room." The second they don't follow the instructions, don't give then a warning, but rather give them a disciplined response for their action. The more they get "second chances" the more they come to expect them, and the more often you may find yourself very frustrated and short on patience.

7. Stimulate their brains!
I recognized quickly with my first born daughter that I could physically try to wear her out, but at the end of the day, if she didn't get some intellectual stimulation, her brain simply wouldn't turn off. She would talk and talk and talk and not go to sleep very easily. I started doing "school" with her at an early age and saw a change in her "sleepiness" at bedtime.
I think every kid LOVES to learn. After all, think of everything they have to learn in their lifetime! My motto, is "use words, words, words", and "read, read, read!" I am completely honest in saying that I have never had a day that my children have complained about doing school. I think this could easily happen and I don't doubt that I will see a day like that to come, but I do think that a parent can easily produce an environment that encourages the love of learning.

8. Make time for rest and quiet time and teach kids to do the same! It's never to early to learn to be still and have some quiet time

9. Pray, pray, pray, and let the scriptures be your guide.
Obviously, if I listed these in order of importance, I would place this one on top. The Bible is clear in instructing us to pray at all times. I am thankful that I serve a Savior who shows concerns and listens to every prayer and for every cry for help. I am also so thankful that "His mercies are new every morning. "
Sometimes though, the most healing kind of prayer can be a prayer of praise, thanking the Father for every gift that He has chosen to pour out upon me. I honestly often have to remind myself of what the scriptures say about children. It is very clearly stated that children are meant to be a BLESSING, not some kind of battle of curses to face day after day. Although, there are definite times we will struggle in raising kids, if I truly set my heart and mind to meditate on scripture and seek out what it says, I see more and more how raising kids is meant to bless us in a sense that it is the greatest way I personally have learned to be more like Christ. I am OFTEN reminded of the sweet souls I have been entrusted with. Five little lives that have the potential to be trained to reach and love people in this world that I will never come in contact with. It is in these moments that I am reminded of how EVERY MOMENT TRULY MATTERS and how EVERY child is a blessing that can be used for eternity. Nothing else matters much when you lay everything out like that.

My heart has been burdened lately for the church in general and the attitude that children seem to turn into some kind of curse after a certain age. I cannot count how many times people have approached me to say something along the lines of, "well, you think they are all cute now, but just wait until...."

Then I have other much older moms who approach me with regret of not having more children, or only having one or two who do not want to have children of their own, and in return they do not have any grandchildren.
Of course, most often I have people approach me in public describing or assuming how "crazy" my life is because of all of the little ones in tow. It makes me laugh even more when the older two are in school and the number of three little kiddos seems to "be crazy."
I can never bring myself to tell those people that I actually have 2 more, not for my sake of being concerned what they think of me...but for their sake of becoming embarrassed by what they just clearly communicated.
I guess if I were to try to sum it all up I would say that although parenting has been the most challenging "task" so far in this life, it has also been the most rewarding. I think when we let kids run and take control of situations in life and letting them do "whatever they want" it can become a very frustrating situation. But, over time, if we are consistent to lead and teach by example God's Word and apply it everyday to our relationship with our kids, we are blessed because 1) the parent child relationship gives us a glimpse of how much our Father in Heaven loves us and 2) by His grace we learn day, after day, after day how to become more like Him....which is the ultimate goal in this lifetime. and 3) we were created not only for a relationship with our Creator and Savior, but we were also created for human relationships in this world. There is something so special and supernatural about having kids, even from the moment they enter this world through birth, and for that reason alone I am blessed. With every birth I have been given a glimpse of My Creator. And beyond even that, day after day, I am given the chance to experience joys beyond description and see His hand at work in ways that I thought were impossible. I get to experience the unique laughter, smiles, and tears of 5 human beings who have been uniquely created by the One who has entrusted me with them... and with each laughter, smile, and tear I get a better glimpse of the One I am serving and who He has called me to be. Because with each child and every piece of who they are, He is there, leading me and guiding me in a way that I never thought possible. Although physically, I am stretched to a greater point than ever before in my lifetime, spiritually I am overflowing in riches beyond my wildest dreams. And for that, I would never in a moment, trade anything else in the world for the time that I have been given to spend with them.
In writing this I am not in any way trying to say that having a big family is for everyone. He will lead you where He wants you to go and Provide for you every step of the way. And, I think that whatever He calls us to as Christians may be viewed as craziness from the world, but in fact it is exactly where He wants us.
My life verse has been "many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord determines His steps." Greg and I have looked at each other numerous times asking, "did you think we would have five kids this fast?" Never in our wildest dreams. If we were to have "had it our way", I can guarantee that we wouldn't be where we are at today.

I guess I am also here to say that having a big family isn't as "insane" as it seems. On the contrary, as I wrote above, it is more rewarding than I could have ever dreamed :)