I debated whether or not to post this...
"But He said to me: My grace is sufficient for you, for MY POWER is MADE PERFECT in your weakness.
Therefore I will boast all the gladly about my
weaknesses.
SO that, Christs Power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I really should be sleeping, but I found myself tossing for the last hour in bed, so now it feels good to be out.
It has been a strange week to say the least. There are lots of questions floating in my head and my heart. I haven't been feeling very good. Mainly tired. Very weak. Very dizzy. Constantly.
I thought I knew what tired was...until this week :) I slept an entire day..woke up before dinner, which I know concerned Greg. I wish I was posting pictures from our trip, but I can't.
I hate doctor appointments and found myself at one this week along with a CT scan. I laid in bed early this morning fighting back tears for awhile, thinking to myself: "I just want to be a mom!" And that is exactly what I told the doctor at my appointment as she gave me an exam. I broke down in tears when it became clear that I was weak on my left side. OK, "let's try that again" the doctor said. I didn't want to try again because I knew something was wrong.
I am feeling very limited in my weakness. Lots of dishes left undone this week. Laundry. Dirty toilets. All of my energy I have tried to focus on my kids. We read so much this week which is so great. I love to sit and listen to them read, read to them, discuss books, etc. So, I can be thankful for those times. My selfish side wants to also get outside and run around with them, but I am limited. I can't. I don't remember ever feeling this limited in physical strength for this long of time period. Ever. It's frustrating. I want to be strong.
Then, the Lord reminded me of this verse. I felt it would be good for my heart to type it out. And it was.
I am very limited. Weak. human.
I have become that even more so this week.
And although I may have more doctor's visits ahead (which I hate. Did I mention that already?)
I am trusting that in this time of questions, weakness, and frustration,
His grace will be more than I need.
Bless your heart Kristin! I had the same feelings last September before finding out about having an ectopic...my mind went to many other places trying to figure out on my own what was going on inside of me. I repeated that phrase often "I just want to be a mom." Hold firm to that verse and God will give you strength. Thinking and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteWill be praying for you. I totally know the feeling of physical exhaustion and not knowing what is physically wrong with me. I have had 3 doctor's appointments in the past few weeks, and another one this afternoon. Tests too, and starting a new allergy immunotherapy treatment. Just want to be a healthy wife/mom and have energy for my family. I will keep you in my prayers. Please, please let me know if there is anything I can do. I know it's not easy to ask for help or confess physical weakness (speaking to myself here) but please know there are others who will life you & your family up and help carry the burden.
ReplyDeletelove & prayers~
Abby~