Empty Cup.

My patience has been tested many times over this week, and it occurred to me that I have miserably failed. I'm not one to usually get emotional, but when I get exhausted, I find tears easily running down my face. It's just been one of those weeks where each of my children are testing my patience and facing huge challenges in their own spiritual growth. I have faced laziness, greediness, unkind words and I've gotten weary with the battles. I have also faced sleepless nights as Dakota is going through a battle of fear in the night. I get exhausted fighting the same battles and seeing a lack of change in the heart. The kids had music lessons this morning, and so, we raced out the door leaving behind a furry mess, like some kind of tornado tore through the downstairs.
By the time we were home and ready to eat lunch, I took an hour break from the day after I put the baby down for her nap. Dirty dishes, laundry left undone, food on the table to clean up...I walked away from it. Years ago this one have been most difficult for me, but today it wasn't so. I felt like I was running on empty, and I was. My cup was bare. My bones felt dry. I was weak, emotionally exhausted and worn down.
I have been convicted lately that my quiet times consist of talking, begging, pleading for grace, mercy, strength. I was convicted to REST, to LISTEN, to dwell in the shadow of the ALMIGHTY'S wings and to find strength by just being still in knowing and fearing
the great I AM.
I have been convicted to simply praise Him and not dwell on what is going wrong and how He can come in and save me.
And so I spent some time doing this while the kids played on the porch.
I neglected my "to do" list and spent some time with my Father.
Not begging,
not crying out.

But being still.
It was refreshing. It was rewarding.
And so, the dishes are left undone (still), laundry has yet to be done for the day and we began school an hour late, but it was worth it.

I failed in having patience many times this week, but today, and now, in this moment my cup is full and overflowing.

The journey of Motherhood tests the body and soul to its limit, but it is so worth every minute of it.
Of course, now we are in school hours, and attitudes around here have changed. I see no laziness, frustration or unkind words, but only enthusiasm and team work.
It's a great mystery that the Lord chooses to bless me when I have miserably failed.

I have learned that the key to joy and happiness is fearing Him alone. This is written all over the scriptures as this seems to be something that is so important to the Lord.
I just wish I could remember and follow through with listening to the Spirit and relying on Him with this matter instead of choosing to try to run on an empty cup.

It's not about what I can do, but always simply about Him.
He fills my cup and He keeps me going.

I am not full or even halfway comforted by seeing a heart change in my kids or even by hearing kind words from them,
I am FULL in Him alone. He fills my cup. Nothing else. Not a hug from my husband after a hard day with the kids, or a dinner out for the same reason. Only Him.
Nothing else comes close to satisfying.