His Word sustains.

It is amazing how I can fear pain.
Pain and suffering are vital in this life. Vital.

I am learning that during tough times the Word of God, and God Himself become such a deep and necessary part of me, just like the air that I breathe.
Without His Word I become weary, used up, worn down, suffocated. I become consumed with self and with fear.
It is not my physical body that becomes stronger, but my spirit within me that gives strength to my bones, (no matter how messed up they are!) when I rely on the Spirit.
Isn't it amazing how the Word of God is revealed to us at different times in our lives?
And isn't it amazing that once we taste a small bite of suffering how we come to understand that without it we would not be refined?
Most of all, Isn't it amazing that God uses our moments of weakness to make us stronger?
It's a wonderful mystery.

I am still amazed at His loving-kindness. I am amazed at the way that He carries me.
I hold verses like,
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." (Isaiah 40:29)
a little closer to my heart.
I see His Word and His promises come alive like never before.
His Word becomes my strength. My physical strength.
"The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?" (Proverbs 18:14)
How can I keep from enduring a crushed spirit? By the Word of God and the Spirit Himself.

This week I faced another battle. I was on a "high" after returning from seeing a doctor that seemed to "answer all of my questions," at least all of the questions that she could answer in that moment in time. She was honest, compassionate, and a gift from God, I believe. But she spoke of scary words, words like, "MS." She was honest in saying that this was a concern.- unlike the last doctor who reprimanded us when we asked if I was experiencing symptoms of MS.
I was happy (at the time) with the upcoming tests and appointments. I was thrilled that she was taking steps to find answers.
I called family and friends letting them know that my prayers had been answered and that the Lord provided a doctor who cared about what I was going through and showed concern.
It wasn't until that night, as I lay in bed, that the fear came over me.
Do I want answers? Do I want to face the truth? Do I want to be defined by a diagnosis of disease?
Do I want to have limits? Do I want to have pain? DO I want to have suffering?
Of course, the answer was no. But, I was faced with a choice: To walk in the way that God has called me, trusting Him with every step, or to be afraid.
It was really that simple.

Sometimes I panic. Sometimes I become fearful because of the things I do not know.
But then I go to His Word. His Word is true. It gives strength to my spirit and to my bones.

"I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
saying,
'You are my servant.'
For I have chosen you
and will not throw you away.

Do not be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41:9-10

I struggle with highs and lows. And, if I am honest, I will say today that sometimes I do become fearful. I do struggle with my flesh.
I try to remind myself that He knows, and that is really all that matters.

I want to be strong.
I do not want to be weak or face pain,
I do not want to be limited, I do not want to rely on medications,

but above all of those,
I want faith.

I want to know the One who has called me to this place.

I read a great quote the other week and I wrote it down:
"My life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body,
but rather I will skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming:
Thank you Jesus! What a ride!"
Mike Yaconeli


At that moment, my spirit will be more alive than ever,

but until then, I will trust Him with both my body and my spirit,
for He is the only One who can sustain me.