He is faithful. All the time.

I couldn't help but collect some thoughts about my health and the faithful leading of our Father. Many times I pray for so long over a situation, really wanting to do the OPPOSITE of what I know that He is calling me to. I struggle with my own desires and ways, and yet deep in my heart and my mind I want to follow Him.

I am amazed at how He leads us.

First, last year was a difficult year as far as the school was concerned. There were A LOT of growing pains, and lot of hurt and a lot of just plain lies that started floating around about me and sometimes about my kids and my family. It hurt. Fast forward...and the Lord provided. He brought new leadership to the school and new direction. He brought healing and peace. He brought the families of the school whole-hearted encouragement.

I withdrew our kids last year and was both excited and eager to sign up for this year. Wait. Every time I thought about the kids being a part of SCA my heart grew heavy, unsettled. I prayed and I prayed and I poured my thoughts, hopes and desires out in my prayers. I wanted to be a part of SCA, I wanted my kids to be a part of SCA, and after all,

didn't I deserve to be a part of it after all of the sweat and tears?

I still felt uneasy. I knew in my heart it wasn't meant to be an option for us at the time. I was heartbroken. I struggled with contentment in the midst of finding other activities for my kids to enjoy throughout the year.

Until the school year started. The very week that SCA began the school year, I began my symptoms. I couldn't walk that week and there were many days that we actually did school on the bed in our room. Thankfully, that has changed and we have now moved back upstairs, but I still find myself having limitations.

There are many days that I feel uncomfortable driving.

This may not last all year (I am praying that it doesn't!), but it definitely would have been difficult to keep up with the driving, and all of the extra things that go along with being a part of the school. There are often many extra trips to the store simply because someone else is planning our days. That is nothing to complain about, but definitely would have been hard for me to pull off this year... If not, impossible.

I also cannot help but consider the perfect timing of having all of our kids. I am amazed that we have five, but even more amazed at His faithfulness in it all. After we had Dakota, Greg and I started talking about being "done." We even prayed about it, but we knew that the Lord was giving us a clear "No."
Then came sweet Addie. Our family just wouldn't be the same without her. This time however, as we started to seek his leading we both knew without any doubts that we were finished having biological kids of our own.
We have yet to have any doubts. I finally understood older women when they would say, "You just know buy the peace that he gives you in your heart."

I cannot pass this time period in our lives without dwelling on the fact that He is so faithful to lead....how much more difficult would it be to have major health issues while I was pregnant? And, if we kept up the same pattern of having a kid every 18 months I would be facing very difficult days. I have been learning my limitations, and I easily have quite a few more than I had when I was even pregnant.
I don't necessarily need to sit here and dwell on the "what if's," but as I did, I really couldn't help but be truly content where I am,
and completely in awe of His faithfulness.